What happens when the love of his life is gone?
Actually, I don't think it locks anymore. I think it's been jimmied once to often. (enter NANNY) The locksmith doesn't even bother these days.
NANNY: Brekky, darling.
CHICHI: Nanny! How was you night?
NANNY: Fantastic! We did it in the bath, then we did it in the pool, then we wandered down to the park and did it in the river. Then, of course, we came back and did it in the bath again. He was sweet. I might even consider keeping this one and having his tadpoles.
CHICHI: I'm glad. It's about time you settled down. Is he handsome?
NANNY: Yes. Built like a Greek God. And no hassles with a hairy back. Although he does have a habit of ribbeting in the heat of passion.
CHICHI: Just so long as he doesn't croak. So, is he nice? What did he talk about? Does he...
ALFRIC: (offstage) Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!
CHICHI: Damn, he's back. (yells) Use the ladder like everybody else! (thumps heard from window) Here he comes. Well, I suppose I did say he could visit.
ALFRIC squeezes through the window and falls to the floor. He stands and dusts himself off.
CHICHI: It might have been easier if you'd come in by the front door.
ALFRIC: I thought this would be more romantic.
CHICHI: (sighs) Oh, very well then. But you could have waited until I'd gotten dressed.
ALFRIC: But I saw you like this last night.
CHICHI: That was different. Last night you barged into my room like a lunatic and molested me. You didn't give me a chance to get dressed then either. So turn around!
ALFRIC turns his back. NANNY grabs a dress off a hanger and slips it over CHICHI's head, tieing it in the back.
CHICHI: Okay, you can look now. (ALFRIC turns)
ALFRIC: You are a vision of pure excellence, my love. The very sun itself marvels at your beauty.
CHICHI: Oh, shut up. What was that Rapunzel nonsense at the window? That's not my name.
ALFRIC: Oh. Only one of the princes said...
CHICHI: Rapunzel is three kingdoms away. Poor thing. She let so many princes climb that hair of hers that it all fell out. Not to mention giving her one hell of a crick in the neck.
ALFRIC: So, what is your name?
NANNY: You can call the princess Chichi.
CHICHI: What's wrong with it? It's better than Alfric Horatio Puddlebottom the third!
ALFRIC: That's Pennybottom.
ALFRIC: Well, no matter what your name is, you're still the one I love.
CHICHI: So, did you do what I asked?
ALFRIC: Oh, yes. I went straight to the pub after leaving here. I found about twenty princes there, moaning about how hard it was to find genuine royalty these days, and how all the good princesses were either taken, or, you know, working the other side of the fence? Anyway, I told them what you told me to say. They were really upset that they'd been wasting their time on you, so they've decided to go to the next kingdom over. Apparently the king there's got twelve daughters, all unmarried, and he's offering one up for marriage if the guy can work out where they go at night. They reckon they've got better odds with twelve real princesses than with one prince faking it. So it seems I've got you all to myself.
NANNY: Well, that's something, at least.
CHICHI: So, what now?
CHICHI: Well, you were going to woo me, right? So let's get it over with.
ALFRIC: Oh, right. Well, I did write a poem for you.
NANNY & CHICHI roll their eyes
CHICHI: Well, chop chop. Quickly now. The sooner it's said, the sooner it's over.
ALFRIC: (clears throat) Ode to Rap...er...Chichi"
My love, she has her hair of gold,
Her eyes of sparkling blue...
CHICHI: Actually, they're brown.
ALFRIC: Really? Oh. Well, it was a bit dark last night, and...
CHICHI: Just get on with it.
ALFRIC: (clears throat) "Ode to... um... Chichi"
My love, she has her hair of gold,
Her eyes of sparkling bl... brown,
Um... She seems to be more... beautiful
Than... er... all the girls in town.
Her smile brings out the stars at night
And envious is the moon.
Throughout the deepest, darkest fog
She drives away the gloom.
CHICHI: Gloom and moon don't rhyme.