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A different exam.

The Auditor, who was not a Strassberg but really wanted to impress the family for monetary and promotional reasons, looked at the Inventory, took stock of what was flushed, and promptly told everybody, "We fucked up royally and we're in deep shit but not as deep as you think. It's fixable."

"Fixable how?" asked everyone.

"Well, and I'm sure the scientists will agree, most of the specimens won't survive the sewers, or I should say sewer. There's only one line leading from the building. All we have to do is wait and see where the shit comes up and send a cleanup crew."

Everyone exhaled a collective "Whew!" Everyone that is except Krump.

"Ah Mister Auditor?" he asked. "What kind of shit did we lose?"

The lawyers, executives, scientists, cleaners, and more lawyers stared at Krump with a collective "Grrrr!" and then looked towards the Auditor. The Auditor hemmed and hawed (Krump had really hashed his moment) and reluctantly produced a list. A bunch of genetically altered jellyfish, some mutant slime mold, a batch of liposuctioned belly fat, genetic samples from a local sci-fi fan club (i.e. geeks), sperm donations from psychopathic mentally-challenged sex offenders, and a garden slug that the Idiot Supervisor found underneath his shoe; plus some experimental growth hormone and several hundred gallons of Axe Body Spray some college boys brought to the lab as a prank.

"Does that answer your question Mr. Krump?"


"Yes, Idiot Supervisor?"

"Uh, yeah. I suggest we pump some radioactive iodine into the sewer to track the shit."

"Good idea Idiot Supervisor!" said the executives. "That's a Strassberg for ya!"

"Ahem!" ahemed Herman.

"Grrr. Yes, Krump?" growled the executives.

"Isn't that a little dangerous? Who knows how some of that shit might react to the iodine?"

"Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!" laughed the lawyers, executives, scientists, cleaners, and more lawyers in unison. "It's perfectly harmless. Don't worry. There won't be any oversized irradiated slime monsters made from mutant jellyfish, slime mold, geeks, retarded sex offenders, garden slugs, and cranked up on growth hormone and Axe Body Spray running loose in the sewer. Pour the iodine!"

No one could have predicted that these events would have a profound effect on the life of one, Eve Underwood. Actually, they were predictable but what can you say? With the possible exception of Herman Krump, everyone was an idiot.


Eva "Eve" Lynn Underwood was a thirty-two year old public relations representative for Strassberg Cosmetics. She had a bachelor's degree in business and the body of a burlesque dancer. The expression "easy on the eyes" was a gross understatement when one described Eve Underwood: beautiful round cantaloupe breasts, long-limbed sculpted arms and legs, curvy hips and a near perfect bubble ass, flat well-toned belly, pouty bee stung lips, China plate cerulean blue eyes, a cute upturned nose, and shoulder-length dark brown hair. She was the kind of woman a man could imagine with a name like Eve; a package built for public relations. Eve broke a lot of hearts, most of them geeks and not all of them male.

It was a June midnight. Eve had just taken a huge dump in her toilet. She had a late night celebrating a huge raise and the start of a two week vacation. She celebrated with a blowout at a club with some friends. She decided to chill at her house for a few days before heading to Cancun. She finished her business and turned on the shower. The toilet gurgled but Eve dismissed it and made a mental note to call the plumber.

The water heated as she brushed her perfect teeth, admiring herself in the mirror. She made doubly sure that her double D's were double prominent. "God I'm so perfect," she thought. "I have perfect hair, perfect boobs, perfect legs, perfect, perfect, perfect! No one can resist my hotness!" Humility was never Eve's strong point; hot was hot and there was no shame in it.

She brushed until the mirror fogged, rinsed and spit, and went to the shower (she made another note to instal

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