Linda, Sylvia, and Archie's story continues.
I was glad when we reached the cafe, there was a woman in the corner reading some trashy romance novel that a couple of months ago I would have wanted to make fun of her for, but since meeting Andy, I dunno, they didn't seem so far fetched any more.
'A medium cappuccino please.' I said to the vacuous looking girl behind the counter.
'Three twenty five please,' she said, she sounded as vacuous as she looked.
There was a man in the corner with his laptop on the table chewing his glasses and tapping away on his keyboard, making a big show of being a writer, no one seemed to be impressed.
'Lucy' Lauren said staring intently at her drink,
'How serious are you and Andy?'
'I dunno, why?'
'I've heard stuff, just rumours I guess, but erm...'
'What, what have you heard?'
'I think he might be cheating on you.'
'No he wouldn't do that to me.'
I sat in silence watching the clock slowly tick away the seconds, Paul was perfectly content to wait, he knew I'd talk soon, it was his job I guess. I heard his pen scratching away on his clipboard, he could have been playing naughts and crosses for all I knew, but it was chipping away at my nerves.
'I cheated on Lucy,' I said, the words tripping over themselves in their rush to escape my mouth.
'Again?' he said peering over his glasses.
'No need to rub it in.' I said.
'Why?' He asked.
I grabbed a tissue from the box on the table and started tearing it into small squares just so my hands had something to do other than wrap them selves round my throat.
'I dunno,' I finally said. He put the clipboard down on his lap and folded his arms, waiting for me to say more, I went back to staring at the clock, determined to wait him out. 'Well say something.' I shouted, I was furious but not at him, at myself.
'What do you want me to say?' he asked retaining his calm, which annoyed me even more. I started working my way through another tissue.
'I don't know, tell me it wasn't my fault, or explain why I did it, isn't that your job?'
'My job is to help you get better, Andy, not to tell you what you want to hear, those two are often mutually exclusive.'
We sat in silence for a while longer before I said, 'I love her, I really do.' He didn't say anything, I could feel my eyes welling up. 'Talk to me, tell me I'm not a horrible person.' I said, almost shouting, he said nothing. 'I don't want this relationship to go any further.' I said after a long silence
'I thought you said you loved Lucy.'
'I do, but that's the thing, last time I was in love with some one she ended up in bed with someone else.'
'And you think Lucy will do the same?'
I dabbed the tissue at the corner of my eyes, 'No, she's not like that.'
'Then what's the problem?'
I got up, the tissue still clenched in my hand. 'I don't bloody know, that's why I'm talking to you, it's your job to tell me what's wrong with me, if I knew I wouldn't need to come to you would I?'
I walked out the office door and tried to slam it behind me, it was one of those slow closing ones diminishing the impact of my exit somewhat. I'd lit a cigarette by the time I reached the reception desk, an officious cow named Julia said 'You're not allowed to smoke in here you know.'
I pushed open the front door so hard it bounced off the wall and into my arm. 'I'm not inside any more am I.' I said as I slammed the door. My already bruising arm wished it was one of those slow closing ones. I leant against the wall and took a long drag on the cigarette, it was better than a million sessions with Paul, less healthy though.
We were laid in bed together, half naked and half conscious, he had his right arm wrapped around me, my head was resting on his chest, rising and falling in time with his breathing or legs knitted together so that you could barely tell where I stopped and he began. He had a book of poetry in his left hand.
'And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars