The story of my penis, and a few others.
My wife stopped talking at that point, which gave me time to visualise that unwelcome scene but thankfully she continued, adding, "It was partly your fault because of Fiona."
I must explain about Fiona. This happened about eight years before. She and her husband were our best friends in the street for several years. I had the hot's for Fiona, made no secret of it and it was all treated as a big joke. They moved and shortly afterwards came back to see us on a flying visit. Before they left, Fiona got me alone and said, "I want you. I've always wanted you and we should have done something about it when we had the chance. Give me a ring." Well I rang her from work at the first opportunity and for the next two weeks we had exciting erotic conversations every day describing what we would like to do to each other. The upshot was that I secretly took a day's holiday and went on the train to see her. Even before getting there I was beginning to have reservations and on arrival at her new house I could see how sordid my intention was. I stopped for a cup of tea, made an excuse and set off on the long journey back home. All went well for a time until Fiona, drunk and feeling rejected by me, rang May to spill the beans. All I could do was tell the truth.
Now I reiterated what I said then, "Nothing physical happened with Fiona."
May gave a sigh of exasperation. "I hoped that you might be prepared to admit it at last. Fiona told me in small detail what you had got up to that day and despite what you say, I can't seriously believe that any man would spend a days holiday travelling all that way for nothing. If you had told the truth then I would have forgiven you because I didn't have much choice after Rob. It would have evened the score but when you continued with that ridiculous story I lost a lot of respect for you for a time. It rankled year after year that you thought you could treat me like a fool, so when Alvin turned up I felt that it served you right."
"I'll say it one last time and I've no reason to lie after what you've just told me - nothing happened with Fiona, I got there, changed my mind and caught the train back home," I told her spreading my hands with sincerity.
"I wish you had fucked her," May said with passion. "You should have given her what she wanted then she wouldn't have rung me. I need never have known a thing about your little indiscretion."
Weighed down by the injustice of life, I could not keep the petulance out of my voice as I reminded, "You were telling me about Alvin."
"From then it carried on all the time I was at the shop," she continued. "We did it twice a week when he turned up near closing time to deliver new stock. The little office was always so cluttered that more often than not I sucked him off. I know that I never really liked doing that with you but he had such a beautiful penis. It was even bigger than Rob's and with him being Jewish it looked prettier, well certainly nicer to put in my mouth. For actual screwing he either sat in the chair with me on his lap or I kind of perched on the edge of the desk - we seldom did it on the floor again after that first time. The best times were those five occasions when I went with him to the London fashion sales when his wife couldn't go. That's what caused the trouble because the last time, she saw the hotel bill for two people when she knew she hadn't been. One night after closing, we had just begun making love when she started hammering on the shop door and saying that she knew he had a woman with him. Alvin admitted everything through the door but asked her to wait for him in the car and not to make a scene so that everybody knew. That gave me the chance to slip out without her seeing me."
"So his wife never knew that it was you," I asked.
"Not officially but next day when she told me they were shutting the shop and then handed me less money than I was entitled to, it was obvious that she had a pretty good idea.