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Her obsession with being spied on turns interesting.

Remembering the looks on the faces of those girls as they stepped over the man bleeding to death beneath their feet was enough reason to forget my friendships. There would have been more reaction from them to seeing it on TV. Apathy so complete couldn't be anything but evil. My reason for being here, alive, right now is to find a way to combat the darkness I had seen crawling over my city. I can't selfishly save my friendship while the rest of the world goes to hell. I won't.

"You'll what? What? Hurt me? Kill me? Worse? Yeah you could always turn me. That would be a big funny ass joke wouldn't it. The vampire's daughter finally gets turned by the fledgling she's tried to save for half a decade," her tone was hatred made sound but there were tears streaming down her face. I'd thought I'd braced for it, I know I'd been expecting it.

It's just that hearing ultra rational Juliet Martin say the word Vampire in a sentence that doesn't also include the word Buffy was startling. Both Rachel and I had started at the important word in the rant. Though I can see we're going to have vastly different reactions to it. Rachel looked concerned bordering on panic but over that was a calm fa__ade, and she was back to that talk-you-off-the-ledge voice she'd been using when they were headed down here.

"Did you say vampire, honey? You know vampires aren't real, don't you Boots?" Rachel's voice sounded more careful than I'd ever heard it. If she'd really wanted to be careful maybe she wouldn't have used the nickname I'd coined the night we met.

"What? You're back to thinking I'm crazy now huh? How do you explain Rory coming back from the fucking dead, more beautiful and with god-damned fangs? You thought I was having a breakdown when I wanted to come down here. Look what we found," her hand shot in my direction but jerked back when she realized how close to my face she'd just put her fingers, "Why don't you give my sanity the benefit of the doubt and start asking her some questions. Like who did she kill to complete her transformation. Whose life did she drink away to give herself immortality?" she was sobbing openly now. Rachel wrapped her arms around her and bent down to comfort Jules who was only about 5' 3" even in her heels.

I rubbed my eyes. I don't like to see my friends upset. This whole thing is just one big mess and I have to at least acknowledge to myself my part in it. I might never have lied to Juliet outright but I certainly hadn't just trotted out my whole sad story for her. Even after all these years I'm still partially ashamed of some of the things that I've done. Some of the things that were done to me. More I don't want to be defined by them or pitied for them. Obviously there was a lot being suppressed by her as well. Maybe if I'd had the courage to be fully honest, way back when, part of me wouldn't hate her right now for disillusioning me about our friendship. There might actually have been a friendship. Maybe I could have given her some closure about the mother who'd obviously done the unforgivable. Maybe I could have at least been an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.

What if? What if? What if? It's a child's question, and I've learned the hard way that the world just doesn't function in the simple ways logical to a child. Wondering what might have been won't help me deal with what is right now. As much as I want to mourn for the lost possibilities, I have to live in the present, and deal with the reality of my life now. Even if that reality does include vampires and werewolves and god knows what else, strange as that sounds even in my head.

I looked over at Rachel, with all of her training and confidence washed away by her lovers wrenching sobs. Her eyes clearly begged for any kind of help. I'd never been able to help myself what the hell was I supposed to do for her. All I could offer was the truth and I was running awfully low on facts today.

I ran my tongue over my teeth and sure enough they were sharper especially my canines.

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