Brother and sister are caught in a powerful storm.
"I figured since we're all adult now and tattooed that you might prefer me not to just slam the door open and eat peanut butter out of the jar with my fingers. We're apparently being all mature and stuff now."
Anna closed the door behind me and said, "Yeah, yeah, Mr. SmartAss. But, I guess I do appreciate the respect for privacy. I just thought you were the pizza dude though that would have been faster than expected. Red or white?"
"Free, if it's open."
"Done. And red. Mike, pour the red for your no-account-boyfriend."
I walked into the kitchen and took the proffered glass.
Anna grabbed hers off the counter and raised it in a toast, "To grown up conversations with my currently favorite couple... Don't screw it up, Gil."
"Cheers... I think."
We walked into the living room and Anna started a playlist on her phone as it paired with her wireless speakers. I think it was Dead Can Dance... who knows? There was wailing and strange percussion instruments. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like a lot of my mother's music -- excepting the day-glow eighties stuff, which always kind of mystified me- but it's tough sometimes to differentiate soundtracks and experimental bands and indigenous recordings and such without album art and more concentration than I usually have for that sort of thing.
"Mike tells me that you're pretty sweet. I wouldn't have guessed. I thought I raised you to be an abrasive asshole."
"Well, you did, Mom, but I'm a terribly disappointing child. Still, I'm working on it. Let me get her used to me first before I unleash the full Anna treatment on her. She isn't ready yet."
"I don't know... she's pretty cute, I bet she'd like my treatment."
"You guys are too much. I mean, I'm usually the tease in our relationship, but get you and Gil together and I've been blushing nearly non-stop. C'mon... give a girl a break."
"Sweety, no worries. I'm just taking advantage of your shock that you've been hanging out in the locker room with your boyfriend's naked mom for weeks without knowing it. It'll pass, I'm sure."
"I... uh... I ... damn it, the blushing is annoying."
"I know, but it's really cute. And I HAVE been pretty naked for our friendship."
"Well, yeah, but ... like... I... I mean, I..."
"It's okay, Mikey. It's not like you knew who I was. You were just hanging out with some random naked chick. How were you to know that I was his mama."
"But, it's not like-"
"Not like you enjoyed hanging out with a nude sweaty chick old enough to be your mom?"
"Well, I mean, it's just-"
"That you didn't notice I was naked?" Anna cackled, and nearly spilled her wine. I grabbed the bottle and topped us all off with the remainder.
"Of course, I noticed. I'm just saying it was a locker room. Lots of folks are naked in locker rooms."
"True. But, you'll forgive me if I mention that you didn't strike up a conversation with Margie from the Water Aerobics class."
"Uh, no, but... I mean, you and I just hit it off, right."
"We did, hon. And Margie is 280 and 68 if she's a day. Besides, it didn't hurt that you seemed to like my tits."
I'd never seen a real spit take before.
Red wine went all over the table, the hardwood floors, and my mother... It was kind of hilarious, but Michelle was clearly mortified. Mom got the giggles. I got a towel.
"Okay girls, let's get this cleaned up before it stains shall we? Who knew I'd be the mature one?"
"Oh Gil-baby, I don't know that we can call you the mature one. You were just lucky to not have a mouth full of wine at the time. Mikey, hilariously did... and for that I'm grateful, because... delightful. But, also moist. Hand me the towel, darling."
I'd gotten most of the damage dried, but there was a bit dribbling down Michelle's blushing front and Mom was pretty well in the splash zone. I handed over the towel and she started mopping up the damage.
"I'm sorry, Mike... I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, but that was pretty funny. And you do seem to like my boobs."
"I am dead, right. I've died of embarrassment."
"Fraid not dear.