Lana (born Larry) wants a man.
Ummmm? Have you tried river bathing? Maybe your tiny little sky blue outfit would be handy, just in case I can't get you naked without upsetting the natives. Well the strait-laced ones, anyway
I think that about covers it.
Anything you need in the way of clarification, just ask.
Love? Granddad XXX
PS -- sunscreen? Factor 50? probably, but if you really want to make an old man happy -- Factor 10 -- then I can spend all day re-applying it!
Sun hat and shades that don't give you panda eyes.
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I spent the rest of the day wondering how long the charade would continue but admitted I was loving every minute. Nice girl.
At eight that evening my 'phone rang.
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"Hi Anja, how's it goin'?"
"Hi, Granddad -- you're evil you are!"
"I am! I mean, I am? How so?"
"Two gross of condoms!" she exclaimed unbelievingly.
"Well, I'm cutting down this year -- still got a few left from last season -still in date though." I chuckled.
"Huh! And half a litre of lube, edible?" she was laughing.
"Yes, I wondered about that. I'm thinking I should get a full litre this year, back end of last year it got a bit touch and go. Errrm, do you find it useful?" I asked solemnly. "Where's your husband tonight?"
"The usual nightly run. He's a physical jerk getting to be more of a jerk than physical, really. So, you're saying I should bring a little bag, thingy to put the necessary supplies in, yes?" behind the laugh I could hear a little concern.
"Don't worry about that too much. I've got a couple, just in case. Neat little jobs, hang off your shoulder or put it around your waist. Adjust it right and it could hide you modesty. Have you got any?"
"Any bags or modesty?" she asked. The laughter was back in her voice.
"Yes, what does your husband think of it so far?" I asked in a serious voice.
"Wind-up! Total wind-up either that or I'm planning a trip away with a lover and this is a cover-up."
"That's a perfectly reasonable consideration," I admitted, "and?" still a serious voice.
"I told him my 'lover' was over sixty and...."
"What? You are!"
"True but you could have told him I was over seventy and still been telling the truth."
"As you say but if I had said seventy he'd think I was really planning to go away with someone nearer my age but 'over sixty' is probably a wind-up. Anyway, you're over sixty and I've told him that IF you turn up I'm going with you! You sure you're happy with that?"
"Perfectly, promise. Bye the way, I'll need your API info, OK?"
"Advanced Passenger Information. Name, address, DOB and passport number etc.. I take it you're an EU citizen?"
"No problem then. Check it out on the Euro-tunnel site. Put the info on a piece of paper and let me have it when I pick up my specs. OK? I'll fill in the details on my booking.
"OK, will do... Granddad?" she finished quizzically.
"All that stuff you sent, it's true, isn't it?"
"Even the bit about your private little club?"
"Yes, Sweetheart, but I forgot to say that we often watch films together rather than go to the overpriced cinema."
"Naughty films?" she exclaimed excitedly.
"Naughty, probably doesn't quite cover it. I'm thinking more... filthy?"
"Ohhhh! Goody! I've never seen a naughty film let alone a filthy one, can I come?"
"More than once, I hope!"
"Granddad! That's rude!" she laughed.
"It is," I agreed, "anything else I can assist you with?" I added cheekily.
"Wouldn't mind you telling me a bedtime story, Granddad, a filthy one!" she replied with a dirty laugh.
"When we get there," I promised.
"I'd like that. Ummm, can I ring you again tomorrow, when he's gone for his run. I sleep much better after being silly with you for a while? I'll email any 'official' questions. OK?"
"Naughty Miss! Ring whenever you wish, the only thing you'll interrupt will be my very naughty day-dreams.