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You can hold hands, or hold onto each other, whatever feels good to you both.

The massage begins with the woman lying on her back, usually with something under her hips to lift them a little-a pillow (cover this with a towel) or a cushion. She can place a pillow under her head if she likes, or not, whichever is more comfortable. Make sure she is relaxed and truly comfortable before you begin, because she is going to be in this position a long time.

You should sit between the woman's legs, cross-legged. Tell her to bend her knees slightly and then let them fall open. You can also position her legs for her if you like. You should continue looking into her eyes and breathe with her. Remind her, often, of her breath. If you find she is holding her breath, you can place your hand on her lower belly and remind her to breathe from that space, to "fill her belly" with her breath. Practice this a few times before you begin.

Yoni massage begins with a slow, sensual massage of the other parts of the body. Massage her legs, her belly, her breasts, her arms. This a long, slow process. Look at the feminine form in front of you, breathe her in-this is a goddess. Worship her with your hands, your eyes. Advance the massage slowly toward the inner thighs and pelvis, until she is breathing deeply from her belly, and her body has no more tension and is fully relaxed.

Then, and only then, should you approach the Yoni. This is a sacred act, and a powerful one. You should ask her permission to enter this temple. You can simply say the words, "May I touch your Yoni?" or you can more formally ask, "May I touch your sacred spot?" She may giggle, or smile. She may actually get tears in her eyes. Most women have never had their bodies held in such regard and worshipped in such a way, and any reaction is normal. Take it in stride, whatever it is.

If she gives you permission, pour a small quantity of very good quality massage oil or water-based lubricant on the mound of the Yoni, just so that it drips over the vulva (the outer lips). The quality of the oil is important. This area of the body is very sensitive, and the skin can get raw quickly if the oil isn't high quality. (I know this from personal experience-yeouch!) Spend a great deal of time here, rubbing the oil into the vulva. Use slow, steady motions. You can cup the entire Yoni with your hand and massage it that way as well. Then focus on the outer lips: squeeze each lip between your thumb and forefinger, stroking up and down the entire length.

Remember, too, to ask her what she is feeling-is it too hard, too soft? Too fast, too slow? Let her pleasure be your guide. You don't need to have a conversation (and probably shouldn't-it might take her out of her body) but definitely keep communicating during the massage. Look into her eyes, and keep breathing with her.

Next, do the same motion over the inner lips, squeezing each one between your thumb and forefinger, stroking up and down the length. Spend as much time as you need here-this isn't about rushing through. Her Yoni is a sacred space, and you are making your way through it, exploring it completely. Worship every soft, delicate fold as you massage her.

Her clitoris should be stroked gently, first with clockwise, then counterclockwise circles. You should then squeeze it between thumb and index finger, and gently pull on it. You should continue to stimulate her clitoris in slow, easy circles. She will probably become aroused during this process, but continue to encourage her to relax and breathe.

When you have spent your time here, you should move on to the entrance of her temple-it is time to enter the Yoni.

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