An unlikely matchmaker introduces two women
I wanted to take it with me, to repair it, to complete those lonely pages, to give it the care and attention it deserved.
I loved you.
Did you ever see it? Notice it? The way I would glance at you as you glanced at the stars, both of us amazed at what we saw? Would you believe it if I did? It always pained me how we could stand in a mirror side by side, and we saw beauty only in the person next to us.
I valued you.
I was afraid it wouldn't last, that strife would tear us apart; that we would fall apart, splitting in half at the seams. I didn't want to be another set of torn pages to you, a dying mist of eraser shavings floating away in the unforgiving breeze as ash from an inferno, leaving only scars on the skin of the paper. I wanted to be eternal.
I wanted you to be eternal.
You and I were both drifters, alone in the world. I was worried I wasn't good enough to deserve an eternity to remember with someone else. You believed the same thing. And yet, that's all we wanted to give each other.
I was just like you.
I never looked inside myself, truly had never seen what kind of story I was. I had so many awful memories, moments of disgusting guilt, so many people I had hurt, that I dared not to look any further. I didn't write willingly, I let the story dictate itself within myself. I could never bring myself to solve my own riddle, because I was afraid of the answer.
You thought I was a masterpiece.
You, the girl who stood tall and narrow, flowing in the breeze like a willow tree. The girl with an entire universe in her mind. The girl who had little but gave a lot. The girl with such a gorgeous face with thin, flesh-colored lips that were capable of more than my entire body was. The girl who was everything to me saw me as her world.
You solved me.
What did you see in me? What sort of fascination could even compare to how I felt about you? Why did you care on a level anywhere near the level of which I did you? I don't expect an answer to ever be given, but that's okay. I understand, because I'm the same way- I can only string words together and hope they form some form of structure. I do hope someday, you'll tell me the answer to my own riddle, or was the answer you all along?
I was privileged.
You saw inside me better than anyone else could. You said you saw things inside me that you wished you could claim. You saw beauty, charm, brilliance, compassion, loveliness within the twisted sinews and stilted veins that operated by my own erratic heartbeat. I had never seen myself as beautiful, charming, brilliant or compassionate, and I could only confirm that I was a loving person because I loved you. I had always lived with myself as an uncomfortable tenant, acting on impulse, trying to bring life to everyone else to compensate for the peace I couldn't find within me until you placed your hand in mine as if you were the privileged one.
And yet... you loved me.
So why did you fall?
I don't remember the moment things began to break. I could only note a difference in your behavior, a dimming of the light in your eyes. You persisted in saying that there was nothing wrong. I had told you so many times of your own majesty, and it was something you never accepted like I hoped, like I dreamed you would. Was I too loud a song for you?
I thought you were perfect, even if I thought I understood that you were not.
Did I make you feel as though I expected too much? Is that why you ran from me? Is that why you hid? Is that why you lied? Is that why I found you, a mangled heap lying on the cornerstone of an old building, unsuccessful in your mission? Why, oh why, was I so upset to know what you did when the truth was that I couldn't bear to fail for your sake?
Why could I not remember how much we were alike?
Why would you leave me like that?
Why did you try and run into death's arms? Wouldn't you have seen that you would have killed us both? That I would have died for you? That I would restrain you from running even if it pulled me towards the edge? Even now, it turns my stomach in knots, because I fear tha