A review of my lowest scoring stories on Lit.

I know this story isn't everyone's cup of tea, and even now, years later, after reading back through it I can see why. It is a bit difficult to read, though the text detailing who is speaking is offset by one person in italics, the other not. If I were to do this story again, it would be with richer detail and less use of the words "I love you..."

The lesson learned: Sometimes it's better in your head than in print.

6. 24 Hours: 2pm -5:15pm - 4.03 -- Erotic Couplings

This submission is written in first person and comes from a series I posted that covers a 24 Hour fantasy between two people who met online. Both desired to share 24 hours with the their online lover without there being any repercussions to the people they love. After the full circle is complete the story ends -- or does it. The reader gets to decide.

The hours between 2pm and 5:15pm are spent with the narrator of the story reminiscing over what her and her lover had done up to that point. The true story begins when they leave for an afternoon matinee at a local theater. Inside the matinee the narrator begins to pleasure her partner with her mouth and breasts.

The descriptions are full of erotic words that make my pulse race even now -- and I'm the one that wrote it! With that said, there are too many "My" this and "My" that, which can be distracting. If I were to rewrite this, the scenery wouldn't change, but the words would flow more consistently. I think I, like many new writers sometimes do, tended to write this story in fragmented sentences, but I feel I've improved greatly since August 2005 (3 months after beginning my writing journey on Lit.)

5. Business Begins: Jill's Turn - 4.03 -- Non-consent/Reluctance

The second installment of the series Business Begins takes the reader through another chapter of the conditioning of Katie, a young girl who was caught shoplifting. Jill plays the biggest role in this story concerning Katie. Jill is Master Adam's pet and she has been given Katie to "play with". The story is not a romance, and not a soft read. Katie doesn't want to be there, and has no true desire to participate in the acts. She does only because she is blackmailed.

I reread this, looking for the reasoning behind the low score. I think it has to do with the category more than anything else. The scene is harsh, but it isn't over the top nasty. Jill isn't a kind Mistress, and Adam is a manipulative Master, not a caring one. The idea though is that this girl -- Katie -- she's a pawn in a bigger game and she's being "broken in" for a more profitable reason than either Jill or Katie realize.

If I rewrote this story, it would be strictly to put even more erotic details into the print, as well as to fix the grammar errors that occur when a person starts that first journey into writing.

4. Enchanted Twelve: Cecilia 01 - 4.0 -- Chain story

A chain story is a story that is written by 3 or more authors here on Lit. and this particular one was probably the most difficult to coordinate because of the number of writers, and the number of characters.

Cecilia is the youngest of 12 Princesses, who are trapped between two worlds. During the day their lives consist of "normal" Princess duties. At night they spend hours frolicking in a world that is full of wonder and magic. When they wake up, the sisters don't recall what they were doing the night before, but realize their gowns are soiled and the soles of their shoes worn through. Yes, this is a twisted spin on the fairy tale: The Twelve Dancing Princesses.

In this segment, Cecilia learns that Prince Cassius, the man she adores, has met with the Angora, the witch of Oarthland. He is hoping to strike a bargain with her, that would give him access to Westingfield. Westingfield is where Cecilia resides during the day. She is concerned and frets over the price the Prince may have to pay in order to get his wish to come true.

I believe the score for this story is low because it is a short and simple story.

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